tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37108232011-04-21T15:42:15.193-07:00UnderlandNext stop Underland.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comBlogger161100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-959730592003-06-23T23:49:00.000-07:002003-06-23T23:49:38.840-07:00Schadenfreude is one of those pop language terms that makes you think: this is German? Why didn't the French think of this?
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-884629202003-02-03T00:29:00.000-08:002005-06-16T02:22:15.726-07:00Dialogue I just wrote for a movie starring and/or directed by Jon Favreau:Scene: Hipster magazine/book launch party has just been shut down by the police due to overcrowding. Large crowd lingers outside discussing such, jockeying their cellphones, yet not quite ready to hail cabsBoyfriend: This is like a potential riot scene. I can see people starting to throw beer bottles.Other Guy (Jon Favreau)Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-879491902003-01-24T01:56:00.000-08:002005-01-13T16:40:43.293-08:00Why the fuck does paper beat rock? Does this make sense to anyone?
Any fucking rock is going to go right through paper. Duh. This is such bullshit.
I'm familiar with the reasoning: paper wraps around rock, right?
Who the fuck cares?! Is a bit of paper wrapping going to stop rock from doing whatever the fuck rock wants to do?
Rock wins. Rock always wins.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-876740472003-01-19T01:17:00.000-08:002003-02-12T02:09:55.000-08:00Worst "Girls Gone Wild" spin-off videos:
Cats Gone Wild
Your Mom Gone Wild
Girls with Down Syndrome Gone Wild
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-872981592003-01-12T00:25:00.000-08:002003-01-12T00:25:34.000-08:00The shortest distance between two points involves some horrific and putrid obstruction that you didn't foresee and will make your life hell.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-865811192002-12-27T00:32:00.000-08:002002-12-27T00:32:42.000-08:00Genius is .5 percent inspiration, 44.5 percent hate, and 50 percent super-hate.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-865808862002-12-27T00:21:00.000-08:002002-12-27T00:28:28.000-08:00Genius is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent hate.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-841068642002-11-06T00:31:00.000-08:002002-11-06T00:31:51.000-08:00Don't chop, slice, or mince garlic when you cook.
Teach it a fucking lesson. Make it cry.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-825330402002-10-04T14:29:00.000-07:002002-10-04T14:29:54.590-07:00If I were an astronaut, I think I'd want to be the first person to kill another guy on the moon.
Think about it: this is heavy, primordial stuff. It'd be like interjecting oneself into Chapter One of the Moon Bible.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-820794282002-09-24T21:29:00.000-07:002002-09-25T21:44:01.000-07:00A friend of mine in college, and not one given to either extreme of glibness or profundity once remarked, "I know you're not a very religious person, but you are a very spiritual one."
As much as I generally dislike agreeing with anyone else's assessment of me, I have to acknowledge a kernel of truth here.
I'll admit that sometimes I've had questions; I've even harbored great feelings of wonderJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-812657832002-09-06T21:12:00.000-07:002002-09-21T19:20:02.000-07:00"Save the Last Dance for Me" by the Drifters shares an eerie similarity with the Chiquita Banana song.
"You can put them in a salad/You can put them in a pie-aye...."
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-812283272002-09-06T01:34:00.000-07:002002-09-06T01:52:27.000-07:00Any enthusiasm you might have for pretty much anything I find genuinely appalling.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-808291442002-08-28T09:35:00.000-07:002002-08-28T09:38:24.000-07:00Estimated number of times per week the consulting firm of Deloitte and Touche is referred to as "Toilet and Douche": 27
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-803825332002-08-17T23:14:00.000-07:002002-08-17T23:17:16.000-07:00Chess pieces, were they nuts (in order of value):
Pawn: Peanut
Bishop: Pecan
Knight: Hazelnut
Rook: Walnut
Queen: Chestnut
King: Macadamia Nut
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-803809272002-08-17T22:13:00.000-07:002002-08-17T23:24:02.000-07:00If you have to name your daughter after a type of meat, "Venison" is likely the best choice. "Pork" is probably the worst.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3710823.post-803807582002-08-17T22:07:00.000-07:002002-08-18T23:57:02.000-07:00Born in spite, from the hell's heart I stab at thee. This is dedicated to the stupidest, most boring person I know.
With malice in Underland.
Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09742105394532738874noreply@blogger.com